Rubber Ducky Frenzy 2

And the maddness continues :-)=

Rubber Ducky Frenzy

It all started as a joke. My best friend gave me a rubber duck for my 18th birthday (third row, middle duck with a red bow). But somehow other people picked up this habit of buying me rubber ducks for all occasions and I soon was flooded with them. Not that I mind, they are pretty cool and represent all the evil of this globalized world as my sociology teacher would probably tell (I just love ambivalency, don't you?). 

But since it is getting worse for my family and friends to get me one because they no longer remember which ones I own, I decided to document my collection. So here is the first part of the rubber duck series. The ducks are in no particular order - all thoughts of organizing them according to color etc. vanished with the time it took to take pictures and cut the pictures into squares. 

The Sin of Dracula

Long time ago, I got this bottle as a birthday present. I drank it, kept the bottle for future DIY candle holder, but that was it - I couldn't have known I was going to start a blog one day so I didn't take a picture of it and I certainly didn't make notes of its taste. 

Then, just a  little later, I was browsing the wine section in Kaufland supermarket when this caught my attention. I knew it wasn't a great wine but I was willing to buy it and drink it again to make a review for you. See, that's how much I like my non-existent readers :-)=

So, the price holds the psychological barrier - it's not 100 Crowns (5 Dollars) because that would be too much for some funky wine, it's just 99 Crowns - that one little Crown does it all ;-)=

Since it's a Romanian wine, I was afraid it would be too sweet and heavy as most wines from that area are. But this is not. It's quite light and the taste doesn't stay on the tongue for long. Perhaps they dilute it. Or the grapes are just that way. I have no idea. What stays on the tongue (and lips and teeth), however, are the purple stains. That happens and sucks, so maybe I will include a "wine-stained lips" make up tutorial in the future to handle the red wine parties more nonchalantly.

Now, I shall act clever and tell you some interesting things about the wine - ok, maybe not interesting but definitely helpful if you understand wine and want to know something about it (hooray for the wine labels at the back of the bottle) ;-)= 

- 12% vol. and the light taste will get you under the table in no time and you won't even see it coming

- Feteasca Neagra is the name of the grapes they used for it and this should ensure that the wine will be semi-dry

- the grapes grow in the Transylvanian Carpathians in Romania

- they recommend to drink it while eating cheese and meat (which wine doesn't say that?!)

As you can see, I couldn't be a professional wine taster because I know nothing about it. I divide wine by color and the fact whether it tasted good or not. This one is somewhere in the I DON'T KNOW category because it wasn't bad but it wasn't the best either. And I definitely know better wines in that money range. But as a nice gift for some vampire junkie, I'd say go for it ;-)=

50 Shades of Red ... part 1

I stumbled over a huge amount of red lipsticks when I was reorganizing my bedroom. Which was bad. Really bad. It made me realize I was a hoarder. I hadn't known it. Because when you take a look at my make up supplies, you can see I am quite normal - a couple of lipsticks of various colors, couple of eye shadow palettes (all containing a different range of colors), a couple of eyeliners - all in different colors as well - just all you need to make practically any kind of look with a minimum of stuff. And this sense of normalcy remains until you open the Pandora's Box which is nicely hidden under the table. Then you realize I'm nuts. I'm drawn to the red things and the worst part is I don't throw them away until I've used up the whole product so it keeps adding up (I've read about the expiracy date on these things and how we should throw them away after two years ... yeah yeah I own a lipstick which I bought at high school and still wear it which doesn't beat my granny's one which was used only on special occasions as long as I remember - and I've never seen my granny being poisoned by it).

But believing everything bad is good for something, I decided to do a mini series talking about the red lip products I have, doing swatches and maybe helping you with a good purchase.

Holy Grail of Lip Products

 First of all, I'd like to talk about how I'm conducting this experiment. Even though I always rely on Lipcote which makes any lipstick last whole day (including eating and drinking - I don't recommend kissing because it tastes weird), I decided to be little objective here and didn't use this top layer. I only used Lip Lock by Elf as a base (only a thin layer because thick layer has disturbingly flaky effect). I applied the lipstick in the morning, then did my job in which I speak a lot and then, finally, ate lunch. No lipstick actually survived lunch but some of them didn't disappear entirely. I'll tell you when describing those actual lipsticks.

It is very dry but can buy you some time. It is very good for lining your lips - at least you don't need various colors of lip pencils. All you need is this one and your lipstick is without those areas where it bleeds into the foundation.

50 Shades of Red aka My Desperate Hunt to Find THE PERFECT RED

The very first set of lipsticks I'm going to try is ELF lipsticks from their three lines (from the cheapest to the most expensive ones).

By the way, every time I see the following paper with my kisses all over it, I recall the evening I was making it. I was sitting in my room, watching Empire Strikes Back and putting the lipsticks on a piece of paper. My mom walked into my room, saw Chewbacca and made a grimace (she never understood why I would choose The Star Wars over Love Actually). Then she saw me kissing the paper and silently walked away, never asking what was going on. Hey, your daughter isn't a complete freak! She is doing beauty science ;-D

 

More swatches:

At first, I'd like to talk about packaging, because that's my never-ending problem with Elf. It just frickin' breaks. The writing on the silver lipsticks disappeared (not really, I had it on my palm). The most expensive lipstick (Rich Red) has broken and falls out so that it is difficult to apply it (I was so happy to get this skinny one because you don't need a brush to apply it with). And all three Mineral Lipsticks came covered in some weird white flakes I dare not to try to identify.

Ok, since I'm comparing a lot of them, I will take it line by line, because all in one line have similar qualities. 

The first one I have is Matte Lip Color from the Studio Line and when it comes to price it's insanely expensive. It contains only 1,8 g of the product which is 2 g less than the others, and even though the pigmentation is awesome, the cheapest shade Fearless (which is very similar, just a little lighter), wins. It stays on for a quite long time (some color survived greasy food and drinks). It isn't drying nor moisturizing so that's a nice compromise.

The next line is Essentials and as I've already mentioned, Fearless is very similar to Rich Red but has the glossiest finish of them all. These lipsticks smell funny and are very dry. The pigmentation isn't the best (you can see how very little winded up on the paper - that's WITHOUT blotting them first) but they stay on for a fairly good amount of time. I think they are good for experimenting if you don't want to spend too much on it. You may be surprised why I included Voodoo in here as a red one since it looks brown but somehow when I apply it on my lips it looks as a red with a hint of brown (and isn't nearly as brown as Royal Red). Posh looks also very berry-ish but again, it's a red with a hint of berry when applied on the lips. These lipsticks survived food as well.

The last trio is the Minerals. Apart from arriving in a weird condition which made me disinfect them, they are the buttery ones - they moisturize your lips. They go on smoothly and don't last nearly as much as the ones above them. Royal red is almost brown, Barely Bitten is the one if you don't want loud colors (hint of pink in it) and Cheerful Cherry is also on the brown side. They have golden shimmer to them which makes them quite warm. These never survive my snack.

To sum this somehow up, I don't like the color payoff of the Essentials, however, since they are dry, they tend to stay on for a long time. The Minerals are warm smooth colors which don't last. And the Studio lipstick is a pretty matte which lasts but isn't worth the money.

Stay tuned for the next episode of this series ;-)=

I know why the caged duck sings ;-)=

This is just a really quick fix - I thought my most awesome rubber duck deserved to be on special display, separated from the mundane ones. So when I saw this cheap cage in the store I couldn't resist the temptation. Since the pattern down on the cage was too high I put a plastic something (it used to store my pins) underneath the duck so that the count Duckula would be seen in his full glory. And voilá! Nice decoration was born ;-)=

What exotic lands smell and feel like

I am not one of those people who wait till December to buy all the presents. I am the one who laughs at the others in December because I am never found in shops with all those stressed-out people. I even avoid online shopping because December is busy and not all my orders arrive in time. Yes, maybe shopping from September to November isn’t ideal for you but I only see the perks.

What I, however, cannot help but buy in December is a bag of goodies from Tahiti. There is only one online shop selling it in the Czech Republic (thank some deity for Frenchmen appearing in the Czech lands and bringing stuff from their former colonies with them so that even we can experience foreign paradises in this way). You can check it out at: www.tahiti-tiare.cz

It’s not cheap, let’s face it. BUT there is always a special discount around Christmas and that’s exactly what I wait for the whole year. This year I went for a body scrub, a fragrance, a shampoo, a soap and, of course, THE OIL. They are all scented with gardenia (I was once told I like “old ladies’ smells” so it may not be for everybody). My mom, upon smelling it, said it reminded her of something her mother used to have so maybe that wasn’t that far from the truth. I don’t care. I love it and that’s all that matters.

So what are those things and why are they special?

I think there is only one must-have in here and that’s the original monoï (coconut oil scented with tiaré flowers). Honestly, who are you if you don’t know how to use oils on your body? They moisturize it, make it look smooth and pretty. You can use it as a hair mask, you can use it to treat you split ends... there are numerous ways all resulting in better condition of your skin and hair because it protects you from evil weather as well. It has all the benefits of oils plus it smells divine. Totally a must-have.

Next thing is the shampoo. I must say it works as any other shampoo (I have relatively problem-free hair so I can’t really judge most of the shampoos because they all have similar effect on my hair). But again, it smells of tiaré and makes my hair shiny and weightless. So it’s a good addition to the oil (at least all my body smells the same).

The soap is another wonder which moisturizes the skin and leaves it nicely scented.

Next one is the peeling. This one doesn’t smell of tiaré as strongly as the others and I had a small problem with the packaging (a little bit of it escaped–even though it was carefully wrapped–and made it all sticky and hard to open). Even though it’s supposed to be basically sandpaper for your skin (and it, indeed, includes sand) it makes your skin soft and undamaged.

And the last, but not least, is the fragrance. Even though it only is EDT, it lasted two days before I stopped smelling it on my T-shirt. And if you use all the products above and the fragrance, you will be just one big walking tiaré :-)

What is your guilty pleasure you can’t resist?   

Alexandra Ivy: Darkness Unleashed

I was sucked into a dangerous yet sensual world of creatures that go bump in night. This series concentrates on vampires so far (this is book nr. 5) even though they may find their true mates in other creatures (those other creatures should ensure variety and interesting plots for the future because it always helps when you can use characters with abilities that are uncommon).

I must admit that even though I have read similar series I don’t oppose to this one that much. As long as it keeps me entertained I like it. There is one specific character – Levet the vertically challenged gargoyle – that always brightens up the mood when the book becomes too meh... I just love the creature and am willing to forget the too schematic flaws the series tends to have. 

What I also appreciate is character development – you meet a person in one book and think him or her a total asshole or villain, yet in the next book you learn the motives that escalated into such behavior and suddenly there is just another broken or actually lovely character who you can sympathize with.

 

GENRE: paranormal romance with a funny gargoyle in it

FANGS OUT: can be funny, that always get an extra point from me
FANGS RETRACTING: there are many like it out there
TOTAL SCORE:

Shimmery brown look for hazel eyes

I didn't intend to include any make-up tutorials when starting this blog but since I'm discovering the "world of putting colors on your face" now (unlike other girls who usually learn this in puberty and then are able to create awesome looks later in their life) why not share my discoveries with you. 

I got asked a lot today if my eye color was green - that rarely happens because I have one of those "hmmmm, we can't decide which color to give you" eyes and they look different all the time (depending on the light and mostly it is in the favor of the brown color). Surprisingly I probably got the green out today. Ha, without the use of any purple as most tutorials advise. 

I can only show you the finished look over there  --------------------->  because I didn't think of showing anyone, let alone documenting the whole process, but since everyone at work asked about it, it resulted in the shitty pictures which don't do the look justice (I think you have already gotten used to my super old camera which doesn't make sharp colorful pics) taken about 14 hours after application (so we can say it's really long lasting).

But I remember what I used for it, so don't panic, I'll tell you how to recreate it. It's gonna be very easy - I don't do complicated - I'm usually happy I can manage to have  breakfast and dress up after I wake up (yay for not-morning-people) so if I can't make my face look nice in 10 minutes, I don't bother with it at all.

I have greasy complexion so I have to prime my eyes with Urban Decay's primer even though the liquidy eye shadow by Lambre in nr.5 I used says it doesn't need it (I tried, it lasted a couple of hours but not the 14 hours I need so primer it is then). Then I applied the eye shadow all over my eye lid with a finger and spread it even a little further to the area above the crease so that the darker shadow would stick and blend easily. Next step included a fluffy brush and Catrice's Intensif' Eye in 010 Black or White Swan? which I blended in the crease and above it to make it look more smoky or defined. And lastly, I took my black Elf cream eyeliner and made a line along my eye lashes. Oh, and a black mascara to coat my lashes.... That's all: 10 minutes to make an easy and still nice eye make-up which will look good throughout the whole day.

Christine Feehan: Dark Nights

I came across the Carpathian series quite a while ago given the fact that I'm reviewing number eleven in the series. This book contains two shorter stories which were published earlier in some collections of short stories or something like that. 

Even before opening the book I was infuriated by the publishing house. I always pay attention which publishing house I'm buying the book from because I want to make it look nice on my bookshelves. Trust me, I've blindly bought series from a couple of publishing houses and it totally ruined my attempts to make my library look sophisticated. Me and my pet peeves, I know :-) So when I came across this book I made sure I was buying it from Piatkus because that would mean it would fit and have the same proportions as the books I already had in the series. I didn't care they changed the cover design, all I cared about was the size. I hate you, Piatkus! You ruined everything! (Not that this is the only case the publishing house went totally crazy and forced anarchy upon its readers during the series, but I couldn't keep quiet when stumbling upon this problem now, I want you all to know how evil this situation is for some of us).

Since this is a series, all the books or short stories are somehow the same. That's what keeps certain people reading it. The predictability. The happy ending. I read it because of that. I've already mentioned that when I feel under pressure I just wanna escape into a predictable world because I work in an unstable environment and all I need is to indulge myself into something easy. 

The Carpathian series' vampires are uber-domineering "wise old" men who force their decisions upon the others in the name of safety. The women, of course, try to struggle to gain their freedom only to hand it to their mates in the next instant.
There is action involved, the vampires have some cool tricks up their sleeves (we finally have this old school turning into mist  and seeping through the key hole or just turning into the children of the night stuff which reminds us that the author didn't entirely make this world up but followed some of the traditions in literature) and those who like hot scenes won't be disappointed either.

GENRE: paranormal romance with a little bit of action

FANGS OUT: easy to read and turn your brain off

FANGS RETRACTING: those manipulating men are just unbearable
TOTAL SCORE: 

Terry Pratchett: Carpe Jugulum

Now, there is a couple of authors or series I love without question. I will just devour everything and won’t care if it’s about the most boring topic in the world. Pratchett’s Discworld is one of the aforementioned. So I may be a little blind about this.

It was, as usual, funny as hell. You’ve got this family of vampires who want to blend in. Their taking over an entire town is a minor thing compared to what they try to achieve. To be like other people – walk in the sun at least. How, you may ask? 

Well, quite easily. The father shows them holy objects, puts garlic in their food ... just does everything he can in order to make them more resistant to all the “allergies” vampires have.

It is written in the same style as all Pratchett’s stories, so if you like Discworld, you will like this. I just chose this one because its main focus is on the vampires, which is the main topic of this blog. So hooray, even one of the most famous satire series touched our beloved topic.

GENRE: satyre just doesn't sum it up, Pratchett should have his own category

FANGS OUT: funny

FANGS RETRACTING: not really, it’s awesome

TOTAL SCORE:

Shopping for used books online

I know, I know, there is nothing better than walking in a shop, opening the new books, smelling them, chosing which one to take home... but for the less fortunete of us, there aren't many bookstores with English books in them. 

I shall introduce you to the buying process from my point of view (and before anyone asks or makes a smart-ass remark - no, no one paid me to say anything about the bookstores I'm going to mention).

Long time ago I started reading books in English. That actually ment buying English-speaking authors in bookstore around the corner. But the more books I devoured the bigger hunger was gripping me. I even got over my fear of used books because that meant I could start buying more for less money. 

So what do I do when I find about a book I'd like to read? There are four steps :-)

1) I first visit the Bargain Bin at www.awesomebooks.com, because an average used book costs around 4 Dollars. That's really awesome. Plus there are special offers (10% off, 4 for the price of 3 etc.) all the time so they are giving it to you almost for free ;-) I've bought a gazillion books in there and twice the package didn't arrive and once they sent me a different book. In all cases they were very helpful and gave me a refund in no time.

Shipping costs: 0 if I buy 2 or more books

Shipped: within a day

Arrives: usually within a frickin' week

Condition of the used books: always very good (yellow pages, a bent corner here and there, but I've never gotten any gross one)

2) If I do not find the book I want in the awesomebooks world, I go to www.worldofbooks.com. The average used book is around 3 Pounds. They always send the books separately so you pay the shipping price for each book. That sucks, I know. But, for example, this summer they were giving you a free tea sample so I got addicted to the mint one. And I'm not complaining :-)=

Shipping costs: 2 Pounds per book

Shipped: within 3 days

Arrives: after 2 weeks

Condition of the used books: always pretty

3) The third bookstore I visit, if I don't find my book in those above, is www.betterworldbooks.com. I remember discovering it, finding a rare book in there, ordering it and THEN reading all the reviews which weren't in the favor of the store. But after a dreadful month and a couple of days the package arrived and the books were the ones I orderd, their condition was ok... I guess I was lucky. AND I helped to raise literacy somewhere in Africa. Well, who wouldn't feel the warmth inside after this? So, every now and then I order something from them, always afraid it's never going to arrive or that if it arrives it's gonna be some really bad copy but so far I can't complain. 

Shipping costs: nothing ;-)

Shipped: within 4 days

Arrives: after a month

Condition of the used books: nice :-) except they put some stickers on the spines for better indentification and sometimes it doesn't come off easily

4) I either wait and after some time I repeat the process of looking for it in the stores mentioned above or I buy a new copy. Depends on how much I want the book.

What to do on a rainy Sunay

they even have this Hollywood style pavement

One would say that rain destroys the possibility of all outdoor activities but when you are among a group of friends who are from different parts of the country and have only limited spare time, you have to take the only day which you all have free in your schedule – come hell or high water.

That’s exactly what happened to us. We planned long ahead to find the day we were all free and decided to make a trip to Prague to go to the zoo. All the weekends before, it was sunny and that meant, of course, that our Sunday was going to suck. And it did.

The rain was pouring, we had to walk long kilometers around the zoo and saw nothing because it was early November, which meant most of the animals were locked up for winter and would be seen again in spring. Oddly enough, even the central or northern European animals were missing. Then there was this moose family sitting in one enclosure and the notice board said we were looking at some reindeer... The zoo has recently suffered from flood (again) and the low positioned habitats were under construction and we saw nothing.

It was all weird and empty and mixed up and wet and confusing ... and on the top of it all, there were women with frickin’ babies in prams who were always ALWAYS always blocking the way in the narrowest paths. You never saw them taking the normal path, no, that’s too mainstream. You gotta stick to the narrow one to make people hate you while your baby is either sleeping or crying. What the hell are all those people thinking? How can a little baby enjoy a visit to the zoo?! It’s not aware of the outside world, its only highlight of the day is a clean nappy and you take it to the zoo?!  

These misplaced cuties made us all doubt our biology teachers :-)

By the way, when talking about kids I have to mention this Russian family we kept bumping into (unfortunately we chose the same route). Those kids fed all the animals they could reach biscuits! They saw lamas and a notice board prohibiting everyone from feeding the animals weird stuff and they immediately took pictures next to it while feeding the lamas. While the parents laughed. I really wanted to shout at them when I saw them stuffing meerkats with chocolate biscuits. But then I realized that perhaps the fight was lost. My Russian is very limited, I bet they couldn’t speak Czech or English properly to taste my wrath in its full mode and that as a teacher I was probably overacting and letting my profession carry away my “offline” judgment. And if the zookeepers didn’t want their animals be fed by undisciplined people, they should have thought about it a little more and have them all far away from anyone’s reach.

When we all gave up hope of seeing the wolves, I stared into the enclosure from above and wondered what was my brain trying to tell me. And then I saw :-) This is a super-zoomed in picture because the wolf was very far away and almost invisible.

We still had some time to kill and decided to visit an observatory because they play documents there (on the dome ceiling, so that you can relax and lie there). Our was called “The Uninvited Guests from Space” and talked about asteroids. It filled us with despair, because now we know that it’s gonna hit us one day (maybe not us but still...). I somehow lost most of the info mentioned during the documentary due to the two little brats sitting behind me who started talking after ten minutes. I get it, they were bored, it wasn’t for them but when they started kicking into my chair I really wanted to turn around, grab them by their ponytails and throw them out of the room. Don’t get me wrong. It’s not their fault. It was the fault of the self-centered blonde bitch who spends more of her time on getting a manicure than on bringing up her children. So no matter how terrible the asteroid flying toward Earth sounded bad at that moment I thought it couldn’t be here soon enough.

Well, I can’t say it was all that bad because we spent the day with my friends and that kinda balances out the idiots you meet on the way. We contributed on rebuilding the zoo, educated ourselves, had fun and some of us decided for sure to never ever have children :-)=

Kathryn Smith: Be Mine Tonight

Now that I have read so many vampire romance novels I feel like I’m really getting into it. This one wasn’t that bad when it comes to how it’s written. Sure, the plot is little too much centered on the couple (but which romance isn’t) but every now and then there is a flashback of the vampire’s life from before which I find refreshing.

However, I don’t feel this book differs from the others in any special way. It’s a historical romance (that is always a minus in my eyes, for I dislike them) – yeah, yeah it is supposed to be only from hundred years ago but still...

I would prefer more info on the Holy Grail subject it revolves around to make it more adventurous or mysterious. Crowding it with more people wouldn’t be too bad either because when there are only a couple of them, you realize how badly described or how pathetic they all are.

All in all, it is one of those romances you read and forget in a minute because you’ve already read something like that in one form or another. But to cut it some slack, you won’t be bored to death either.

GENRE: historical romance

FANGS OUT: sit and relax, no big surprises here

FANGS RETRACTING: haven't you already read something like this?

TOTAL SCORE:

Vodka with Juice Halloween Style

Just like I've already mentioned in one of the posts before, Halloween is not the thing in here. But it doesn't stop some of us from decorating our homes or visiting the scarce parties dedicated to this special day. I skipped all the parties this year and just went ahead and made myself a spooky drink.

Nothing says I love vodka with juice more than a bowl of  some weird red/brown liquid with a melting hand in it.

On the brighter side, it's one of the easiest things you can do. Even a kid could do it (though I do not recommend this one for kids - some people say alcohol isn't for the small ones, after all).

What you're going to need:
- any red juice (I chose strawberry with pulp to make it grosser-looking but you can use tomato juice or any other you like)
- black vodka
- water
- a plastic glove
- bowl
- enough misery to drink it all alone or friends to help you

1) The first step is a tricky one. You take a surgical glove and turn it inside out. Why, you may ask. Well, they have this powder inside to prevent your hands from sweating. You sure don't wanna drink that. Yes, you can wash it out but who's got time for that? So turning it inside out it is. When you are done with the step one, you will just move to the step two.

2) Fill the glove with water. Be reasonable, don't make it burst. Plus if you fill it so that the palm area is round, you will only see that in the bowl (the fingers will very likely submerge). So make sure you fill it in a way that it can freeze nicely flat.

3) Knot the glove at the end.

4) Put it in the freezer so that it rests on a flat surface (You can make the fingers visible, I trust you!).

5) When it's frozen, prepare your bowl.

6) Fill the bowl with a red juice of your choice.

7) Add vodka - we are germaphobes so we need something to disinfect the possible glove germs, right? ;-)= Just make sure you pour it slowly so that it doesn't mix with the juice. That's just for the first impression, you will mixt it all later anyway.

8) Insert the frozen hand (after you've stripped it off the plastic layer).

9) Have the drink all for yourself as the others find it too gross-looking to drink.

Spooky indeed...

I am not a fan of any holidays. I don’t really like Christmas, Easter only interests my inner artist when coloring the eggs... just all I like about these days is the fact that there is no school.

On the other hand, if I were to pick out one holiday which should be celebrated globally, it would be Halloween, because I’ve ever liked the spooky side – they have the best cookies after all. Plus dressing up as creepy things and getting candies for it sounds so absurd it pleases my crooked mind.  But since my country is totally oblivious to the most of the Anglo-American festivals, I never really get into the right Halloween mood.

However, every now and then there are some shops trying to implant these alien festivities into our homes and I surrender and let them take my money for useless products I don’t need. Because why not. I like Halloween.

So when there was a whole collection of various Halloween goodies in Lidl supermarket, I just couldn’t stand there and let them stay on the shelf. I winded up with some muffins (yeah, yeah, I can bake my own which are always tastier and cheaper but these where with PUMPKINS on them!) and a drink which is called Spooky Strawberry (c’mon, it’s a VAMPIRE strawberry!). It looked like those flavored milk drinks I haven’t had since my childhood, so I let my inner child have her pick.

I’m one of those people who - when handed a bottle – play with it and subsequently read what’s on the cover. I managed to read the contents part of the drink and that spooked the hell out of me.

If I omit all those nasty chemicals I’ll get to the fruity part. How the people who produce strawberry milk manage to make it WITHOUT actual strawberries will probably remain a mystery. They probably thought: “Hey, if we mix lemon, radish and currant we will get a strawberry flavor! And if it still doesn’t taste like one we can make it red and people’s brains will automatically produce the flavor. It’s a win.” Well, maybe it is. Despite reading the contents table I still thought it kinda tasted like strawberries.  

So, what’s the moral of the story? Wait, there was supposed to be one?! Just don’t read what’s on the cover and let your inner child be happy it’s Halloween!

Just hanging around...

Find what's wrong with the picture.Yes! The graffiti looks terrible.

I'm derping my way through the town, looking for some presents to buy when I cast a look at a bike. Nothing weird here, I continue staring into the shop windows when my brain says something in the last picture I sent to analyze was odd. So I take a look back at the bike and see a dog staring at me from a floral tote bag. 

The owner comes after I'm done with the picture so I don't have to explain anything. All I can do is guess. The owner is a really old guy. The dog has grey hair around its muzzle, so it is probably old as well.  I think this is the best way for this obviously inseparable duo to get to town as efficiently as possible without tiring their feet (paws).

I'm heading into a shop now seeing the old guy hop onto his bike and ride away. However, when I emerge from the shop, the dog is back only securely put into the bike holder now. I look around and see the old guy at the florist's across the street buying a gargantuan pot with a white chrysanthemum plant. 

I had to hurry for the bus so I never saw where in the hell the old guy put the plant but the dog totally OK with his/her destiny of hanging in the bag made my day.

Resting its head on the light and waiting.

Someone doesn't like this photoshoot.

Patiently looking in the distance, wishing for the owner to get back asap so that the weirdo stops taking the pictures...

Christine Warren: One Bite with a Stranger

Here we go, yet another romance. Don't you just love it when I am stressed and these "light" books are the only stuff my brain accepts? I know I do ;-)=

This one is a mix of humor, hot scenes and a little bit of action. Just like I've already mentioned, I like when there is humor in it so that I don't have to take it too seriously.

What I, however, particularly oppose are the two main characters. She repeatedly claims she likes him to be the boss only in bed and the rest of her life is hers to decide, he claims he is giving her free will and would never do anything she wouldn't want... But it's all lies because he does whatever he wants and even though she plays angry for a second, everything is forgiven and he can continue with making decisions without her. Plus I still haven't figured out how come so many couples in vampire romance novels (maybe in all romance novels, I'm not sure because I don't read the regular ones) start planning their future (wedding, children etc.) only after a couple of days together. To say nothing of that foolish decision to alter one's life forever after having spent together only a short period of time. 

One would say that having an old vampire in there, who should be wise after so many years of observing and doing things in his/her own pace, should make those characters less foolish. Perhaps, it's a protocol. You can't write a vampire romance without two fools who are in the clutches of their own hormones. You can't let them get to know each other. Just put them together while they are too busy to pay attention to each other's character qualities. Sure, that is a healthy start of forever...

All in all, I enjoyed reading this despite the weird relationship of the characters and look forward to reading more of The Others series (I checked it out and it doesn't only include vampires so the fans of shifters will get their fill as well).

GENRE: paranormal romance with yet another guy who takes over your life

FANGS OUT: funny and hot

FANGS RETRACTING: I just in general don't understand women who have their whole life dictated by a guy, so the couple in this book seems all wrong to me...

TOTAL SCORE:

Maggie Shayne: Embrace the Twilight

Once in a while, I enjoy reading vampire romance books. They are a good means of "brainrelaxing", because when you are tired of always trying to guess where a difficult book is going and you just don't want to analyze the characters and situations anymore, there is nothing better than reading a predictable book such as a romance. You know there will be two people falling in love, they will face obstacles, but in the end they will wind up together. Of course, it should be nicely written and be witty or funny or unexpected in some places.

So how does Maggie Shayne compares to my list of expectations (I'm going to summarize all the books I've read so far - which means all the books in the series before and including the one in the title)? Since this isn't the only romance series I read, I must admit it isn't the best one I have ever read, however, it isn't the worst one either. She created quite an interesting world - vampires are stronger, but have some serious vulnerabilities as well. The villains are psycho scientists, which is nice. Some of the characters are bossy in a way they appear ridiculous, some of them are overprotective, some of them can't keep up with the times and are afraid of technology which makes them funny... you really get quite a wide range of characters. However, these books don't combine action and romance well. There are numerous sex scenes (which I have absolutely no objections to ;-)= ) but the action is usually crammed into the last chapters of the book which makes it look weird (you go from slow... slow... steamy sex... slow... omg he is a vampire... slow... slow.... to oh here's the bad guys... something fast is happening... goodbye reader we're good). It somehow doesn't work. The tension is not built enough when the climax comes.

GENRE: paranormal romance which needs some brushing up when it comes to action
FANGS OUT: I like the vampries being vulnerable and afraid

FANGS RETRACTING: needs more tension-building

TOTAL SCORE:

Peter Eldin: The Vampire Joke Book

I honestly don't know why I keep buying this stuff. This has been a fourth accidental buy. The online store I usually buy books from included neither picture nor description of the book so it was up to my imagination. And you know me, I buy pretty much every book with the word vampire on it as long as it's cheap so that I can write a review for you because I somehow deep inside hope that one day I will stumble upon a forgotten masterpiece or something really awesome.

Obviously, my brain thought this book would be hilarious. Except it wasn't. The tiny book is about 93 pages long, includes tons of pictures and a lot of "funny" stuff. However, the jokes in there don't include only vampires. There are werewolves, ghouls, ghosts etc. Just everything you need to entertain a bunch of five-year-olds at a Halloween party.

This collection of jokes didn't even make me lift the corners of my mouth. No reaction. Nothing. Pokerface the whole time.
Wanna hear an example? What do vampire sailors sail in? --> Blood vessels. I won't bother you with all those knock-knock jokes or the other ones which are based on sloppy pronunciation.
I must admit it may be funny for kids or people who are trying to learn English as a second language (there is nothing more rewarding that getting a joke in the language you are trying to master, trust me). But other than that I don't see the point of purchasing this.

GENRE: uhm, not sure where to put a collection of bad jokes 
FANGS OUT: funny if you are a little kid 
FANGS RETRACTING: not really funny 

TOTAL SCORE:

Richard Matheson: I am Legend

This book is one of my all-time favorites because it simply gives you everything. I usually insult books which are short because they don’t develop enough to let you remember them and are centered on just one thing.

Well, here you have the last guy on the planet (that’s our centre from which we can’t derive, can we?) and we follow him as he scavenges for supplies, as he remembers his past in which something happened and resulted in everyone dead or turned into vampire. Now, retrospective is nice and certainly not boring. Then we have the main character actually going to library to gather as much info on viruses and diseases as possible. We also have our depressed character who doesn’t know whether to let go or not. Then we have a hopeful character who encounters a dog and wants him as a friend. After that we get even more hopeful character who can’t believe his eyes as he finds a woman who is actually alive and in the sunlight. Then, we have a guy who will not fight and surrender only to change his mind at the very last moment. Plus some more. 

I don’t wanna tell you about the mind-blowing discovery at the end because I want you to read it and experience it yourselves. There are so many levels, spoken and unspoken. And you know what? The author managed to fill every page with so much content that it doesn’t matter how short the book is. And the ending... oh my gosh. 

This book let me rethink all my values. Really, I had to think a lot about what’s good and what’s bad and how we deal with it (which is a rare moment for a social sciences major... we think about such things in class while reading all those evil philosophers but never while reading fiction). 

I read this book quite a few years ago and I still get the chills, I still remember the moment I was finished. I remember the impact. How it changed my life. This is exactly the type of book which will prevent you from reading anything else after that. You’ll find yourself sitting on a river bank and staring into water as you contemplate the meaning of life. And you won’t get up till you solve it. Or at least find a way how to solve it.

Well played, Matheson, this truly is a masterpiece.

GENRE: hall of fame doesn't say anything, does it? 
FANGS OUT: the end will blow your mind 
FANGS RETRACTING: haven’t found a single flaw 

TOTAL SCORE:

Pete Johnson: The Vampire Blog

Ok, I get that this is supposed to be a book for kids, because it is written from a 13-year-old guy’s point of view. The guy is going through a transition. He is told he is soon to become a half-vampire and he will undergo some changes (growing fangs which will fall out, smelling totally awful for a certain amount of time, etc.) and while his parents are proud of his heritage and even give him a new special name to call him during the dark hours (yup, can’t talk about the vampire things during the day, duh), he doesn’t want to be like that.

I grew up on Darren Shan books so I somehow expect a lot from kid’s books. This one was kinda bad. Even though there is supposed to be action (the hero is attacked by a real vampire and is in grave danger) I didn’t find it sufficient. There is a light side to this book, too. The main character is one of those people who always come with a smart-ass reply. Well, a boy hitting puberty would sure do something like that, however, he is funny all the time and that makes him less believable. I just couldn’t come to terms with such a genial child. I’m a teacher and such kids are exactly the ones I teach, and never have I in my life encountered such a funny one. I mean, I did, but he was older. So points down for unreal characters. The rest, the interaction between the kids, is more believable though.

Honestly, I don’t know how to review this. I bought this by accident – liked the price and the name of the book and since the cheap used books online store didn’t have description of the book there, I just went with buying it. And now I’m supposed to review a kid’s book. 

So maybe it’s like the movies for kids – it is primarily for them, however, the creators always include something for the parents who accompany them when watching it. And here, I found nothing. If an adult reads it, it’s gonna be funny for only a couple of pages then it’s gonna become dull.

GENRE: kids' fun/action attempt
FANGS OUT: sometimes funny 
FANGS RETRACTING: I miss the overlap for older readers 
TOTAL SCORE: