Fairy Loot - June 2016 - Classic Twist

So, I somehow managed to buy a box which sells immediately after it's announced. That's a first. I always get things last or never because when I come to be aware of stuff, it's already gone. 

Anyway, when I opened the box my heart stopped. The very first thing on the top was Mr. Darcy Funko thingy. Now you probably think, "oh, that's so sweet, her dream came true," but no no no no! I find them ridiculous. I just don't understand what the fuss is about. The funko disproportional heads make me question most bookstagrammers' sanity because they are hideous. But not in a nice fuzzy way (I try to find beauty in decadent nonconformist things, you've probably noticed) - just plain ugly. But somehow he will look good on my shelves next to other very mainstream stuff I usually get for Christmas from people who have no idea what to give me because we are not that close. 

Next there was a candle called Bronte's Secret. I still don't know the secret but the smell is pleasant. Not sure if candles in the summer are a good idea but maybe I'll be able not to lose it till winter when it's the right time to breath carcinogenous air.

Then I discovered a pair of stud earrings shaped like swallows. I love earrings. I'm addicted to them. I've got a pair for every day of the year and more. And I don't have these so that's a plus.

Another accessory is a Chapter 5 bookworm bracelet which is so impractical it hurts. There is the metal part which secures it (it slid off before I even attempted to put it on) and I know, this way people of all sizes can have it but it SLIDES OFF! And it's ugly. The colors are wrong.

There was also a set of three cheerful bookmarks. Since I have a ton of bookmarks from every purchase I make at bookdepository.com I'm not so keen on these. 

I think a lot of people will like the watercolor "poster" (since when are posters midget sized?!) because it's pretty but again, it's so small!

And last but not least, the book. This time it's supposed to be a prehistoric tale so I'm really interested. When I was a kid there was a compulsory read at school called Mammoth Hunters and it was thrilling so I hope my childhood will not be ruined by this. Oh, and there was this sticker with the author's autograph in there too but as I was angry at it (why don't they send signed books?!) I put it in the book and forgot I had yet to take the picture. Not that anyone cares, my pictures for this blog suck. I'm still in the wrong place and I won't try until I move. Which will hopefully be this summer. Then I will have a lighter room to attempt to do nice pictures.
Oh, I nearly forgot to mention that funny hashtag. Each person gets a unique code for the month (they recycle so it works for the duration of one month only) which pairs the person up with a random stranger. It means two people get the same hashtag and they are supposed to find each other on Twitter (I don't have that) or Instagram (I have that but so far no luck finding my reading buddy). But the idea is cool.

Now that you know what was inside, how classic-twisty does it sound to you? Prehistoric novels are not classic. Yup, the funko is from the zombie movie so that's a twist. The poster is classic without a twist, the same goes for the rest.. I dunno, it doesn't seem to be about the book but about the funko which is strange.
And as an instagrammer now I can say I've seen two more boxes having the same book in them. That's rather unfortunate. It should be new and thrilling and fun. What if someone bought all these boxes and has multiple copies of this book now?

Price (in Euros and including shipping): 45.54

The book: you'll have to wait for me to read it and check my Instagram then

Knick-knacks: funko pop, candle, earrings, bracelet, poster, bookmarks

Overall impression: I kinda like it. Even though there are many things I find not agreeable, you get a lot for your money.

Rhubarb Strawberry Pie

It's the rhubarb season again! Yay! I love its sourness. I always try to bake something from it and always am confronted by my mother about its preparation. 

All over the internet you see pinkish/red rhubarb in recipes and in pictures of how to make something. Which means people don't peel it in order to get that nice reddish tint. 

But it drives my mother crazy. Whenever she sees my reddish rhubarb creation I get a lecture on how I should always peel it otherwise there will be funny thread-like pieces hanging from every bite. But guess what. It doesn't happen. The baking is obviously good enough process to take care of it. It cuts easily and no awkward pieces are hanging anywhere. So go for it, folks, you want some colour in there! But just in case you are the annoying peeler in your family, add in some strawberries to really have it red ;-)=

You'll need:

crust

• 320g plain flour 
• 230g butter (cold is good)
• 120ml cold water
• 1 tea spoon salt

filling

• 3 cups diced rhubarb
• 3 cups chopped strawberries
• 2/3 cup sugar
• 1/4 cup corn starch
• 1 table spoon lemon juice

topping

• 1 beaten egg
• some granulated sugar

1) Take a fork and try to incorporate butter pieces into the flour with salt. When small crumbs appear, add in the cold water. Then use your hands to incorporate it even better, divide into two pieces, wrap it in a piece of foil, and put in the fridge for a couple of hours. 

2) Mix everything in the "filling" part and let the fruit lose some juice. Which means set it aside for an hour or so and mix every now and then.

3) Roll out the dough so that you can put it in your baking pan. When the first part of the dough is on the bottom and sides, pour in the filling (you won't need all the excess juice/water) and then prepare the second part of the crust - whichever design you fancy.

4) Smear the crust with the beaten egg and sprinkle with sugar.

5) Bake at 180°C for about 50 minutes. (or less, you will want the crust golden brown)
 

Brenda K. Davies: Awakened

Alright, this is another of my e-books which I downloaded because it was for free and I just can't stop when it comes to free books. 

This time there is this university student who doesn't date and avoids guys and meets this new hot stranger who she immediately falls for and all her traumatising past goes through the roof. And since incredibly sexy guys only exist in vampire form, you guessed it, he has a set of fangs. And an evil ex. 

So I'd like to say something nice first - it's written well. You get your descriptions and it's told in a good way. But the story is so frickin' predictable. Like once an abusive ex-boyfriend is mentioned you can bet he will appear right after. The same goes for psycho ex-girlfriends who didn't take you breaking up with them well.

And then there are these stupid little things like someone being a vampire for only a year and his high-tailing from his psycho maker so that he doesn't really know anything about his state. However there are moments in which he is so sure what can kill him, what ails him, you know... 

Oh, and there is definitely a favourite scene in here - you know how we all hate those brave people in B horrors who walk through the night alone so that the killer can get to them? :-D Something like this is in this book. A character inseparable from her boyfriends suddenly gets this urge to confront a psycho vampire herself. Just why? 

If the book had more twists and the plot would be less predictable and with less sex it would be better I think. It sure stands on more solid ground than the e-books I reviewed in the past but still it wasn't great.

GENRE: there are way too many sex scenes so I guess it's ROMANTIC PORN?

FANGS OUT: it reads well
FANGS RETRACTING: predictable and sometimes too far-fetched
TOTAL SCORE:

Illumicrate - May 2016

First of all, I didn't have the slightest idea what would be inside since the box has no topic. That's a letdown right there. 

When I opened the box I was overwhelmed by the amount of stuff in there but when I took a closer look at that I realised it wasn't that hot after all. 

So what was in there? I refused to take pictures of all the cards in there which were somehow connected to the book and pretended to be postcards (which would have been awesome) but there was no space on them to write anything so that was downright stupid. The same goes to the card with a recipe. If it had been a really cool new muffin recipe then yes, it would have appeared in the picture you see but it was good old muffins we all know so that's a no from here. But those were just the extras. Not the main stuff.

So, the book When We Collided sounds promising and you'll have to check out my Instagram for it. But what I can't wrap my mind around is the author's signed sticker. Why didn't they give us a signed book? Why do we have to stick it in ourselves?

Next there is the "What happens in book club stays in book club" mug. I'm a tea lover and nothing makes my day more than a lovely new mug, except this one is plastic and I just don't enjoy drinking from plastic things. My 1,5-year-old nephew sips his toddlery stuff from plastic. That's exactly where plastic should end. With kids. 

The bookworm pin/badge was nice though. I pin a lot of stuff on my denim jacket so this one will look cool. The same goes for the lame colourful badges. They say stupid things but I'll make it work on my clothes.

The bookworm bookmark looks cute but again it's something one can hardly use. I won't abuse my books with it. If you take a look at it you'll see that this will leave dents in the pages and I can't live like that. 

Next there is a see-through stamp with a stack of books and a deer head. I like it. And I even know how to use it so this one is a win.

The TO BE READ LIST notebook looks cute as hell too but it's too short for the stuff I'd like to write down. But design-wise it's pretty. I'll try to make it work. Somehow.

And last and unfortunately least, there is this preview of Taylor's upcoming novel. Such a waste of resources! It's just a couple of chapters. If they gave us a link where to download it but no they have to print it out. It really doesn't sit well with me. Why would someone print out unfinished novels everyone will throw away? That really infuriated me.

Price (in Euros and including shipping): 51.50 (way too high for the eco-disaster)

The book: again, it'll appear on my Instagram once I'm done with it

Knick-knacks: a cup, a pin, a stamp, a bookmark, some badges, funny TBR notebook, a signed sticker, a preview of a new novel (on the whole it's a lot but how many of these can we put to use?!)

Overall impression: since it's pricier and I don't appreciate the bookish stuff as much as in the other box I have to lower the score for this one

Ally Thomas: The Vampire from Hell

Can you see that PART 1 thing? There is more?

 O_o

One would say that since I'm old enough I could have the ability to learn from my mistakes. That I'd, say, stop getting the free e-books since I have very bad experience with them. But no, once it says free I have to download it and what more - I have to finish it. I can't judge a book by only a couple of chapters, what if something really good comes? Except it usually doesn't come. 

And this was exactly what I fear most when I get a free version of anything. It was bad. I thought my judgement was clouded by the wrong time in my cycle but nope, we're not even close to that. So it must really suck. I tried to find the positives of this story but just couldn't.

First of all, it says it's a part of blog and even has this link to it (spoiler alert, it's just the official author's homepage -> so it's not even supported on this level) but it doens't feel like it's blog posts. It's just a good ol' boring first person narrative. 

And it's narrated very poorly. The situations are not described enough so that even thought you have this vampire created by her reptilian father, the lord of Hell himself, you don't get the ideas how it works down there. Then the narrator jumps from one moment to the other so quickly that it's confusing and I had no idea what the heck happened and why.

Furthemore, I've googled it's this YA novel. My ass. Like, you've got this vampire or Satan's daughter first or whatever who is old enough to work in the office and bang whoever she wants and later she can have a hot scene with an angel and you want this to be read by the young ones? Sure she acts like one of them but the evidence shows she should be different. It's so effin' contradictory. 

Then there is this inner voice (*yours truly just gave herself a facepalm*) which sounds so bad in this already horrible narration. It makes stuff even more confusing. 

Wow, I've just made myself angry again. It was a waste of time and made me furious that someone can actually distribute this piece of ... bad literature. Save yourself the trouble and don't download it. It's enough that it made my couple of hours miserable. You don't need this.

GENRE: I have no idea

FANGS OUT: ehm, if you like angels?
FANGS RETRACTING: bad descriptions, no excitement, why is it even out there?!
TOTAL SCORE: