Mole's Cake

I asked my brother what kind of cake he'd like for his Birthday and he came up with the mole's cake. When we were younger there was a boom of those "add milk and you have it" cakes from the box. And our mom kept buying the mole's cake. It's not that good if you ask me - too much whipped cream but since my very original brother, whose son is watching the adventures of Mole (a very popular children's cartoon character) by the way (and I definitely didn't connect these two things together) wished it, so be it. But not from the box! From the real ingredients. I was afraid it wouldn't work out but look! ;-)= Better than from the box, that's for sure.

You'll need: 

cake mix

• 100g icing sugar
• 180g flour
• 50g cocoa powder
• 10g baking powder
• 2 eggs
• 100ml sunflower oil
• 125ml milk
• 1 shot of rum

filling

• 3 bananas cut in half (you cut the long side)
• 400ml heavy cream (40%)
• 40g icing sugar
• 80g shredded chocolate (or chocolate chips)

1) Mix everything for the cake mix and pour it into your lined or buttered cake pan. Bake for 30 minutes at 180°C. Let cool down.

2) Whip the cream with sugar and chocolate so that it's very stiff.

3) Hollow the cake so that you only have about 5mm at the bottom and the sides are intact. Break the stuff you have taken out into small pieces, you'll need it. 

4) Put the halved bananas onto the bottom of your cake. Add the whipped cream so that you create a dome-shaped heap. 

5) And the messy part begins - take the crumbs and try to cover all the cream.

Jordan K. Rose: Her Vampire's Promise

I don't know. I just don't know. Yeah, we are still with my free e-book reads here and I'm lost for words again. One day I'm going to quit this nonsense and go back to my cosy library with its volumes of dead trees and review those.

But that day is not today since I dived into this novella. It was short, that's that. You know I don't like these short things because the events in them happen too fast and there is not enough foundation on which I (the reader) could build any opinion. These things just leave me cold - which is bad, I should feel something (anything) after finishing a book, that's for sure. Nothing says it was a good book like a big book hangover ;-)= Unfortunately after finishing this I was just hungry. Which is a state I'm always in so that doesn't help much.

From this piece I can't tell you much about vampires since there is not much to be said. Some are bad, some are experimented on, some kill people because people are bad too, some kill people because they want. And some are creepy as hell since they feel connection with a baby and twenty years later they grope her... Just sayin'. At least there was no adult content, that would degrade this hysteria even more. The characters are evolving way too fast, and therefore one can't believe them. No one in their right mind goes from psycho bitch to a mellow purring kitten. I mean some people do but they usually seek therapy, there is no romantic stuff written about them.

I really hated the beginning of the story because it was too bizarre and the characters acted like idiots but as the story progressed I actually glimpsed potential. So, who knows, maybe the other stories in the series are more complicated and reader-friendly.

GENRE: weird revenge/romance story 

FANGS OUT: the experiments and mad scientists always hold potential
FANGS RETRACTING: need more space to believe the characters
TOTAL SCORE:

Upside-down Banana Cake

Now this one tops my list of all-time favourites. It's moist, it's heavy so that a thin slice fills you for hours and it's got this irresistible banana-coconut combo. A winner. Yum. It also looks good which you can't see since I own the least cooperative cameras. You'll have to trust me with this one. 

You'll need:

for the banana bottom:

• 2 tbl spoons butter
• 1 tbl spoon lemon juice
• 4 tbl spoons dark sugar
• 4 tbl spoons water
• about 3 big bananas

for the cake:

• 60g butter
• 2 eggs
• 200g sour cream
• 60g sugar
• 125g plain flour
• 125g shredded coconut
• 1 tea spoon baking powder
• a pinch of salt
• a couple of table spoons of milk

1) Mix all the ingredients for the bottom (minus the bananas) and put them in a sauce pan. Boil till it all thickens and set aside.

2) Chop the bananas (make about 0.4 cm slices).

3) Mix the cake batter.

4) Line your cake pan with baking paper. If you have a pan with loose bottom be awar of the fact that some of the liquid will escape so either wrap the bottom with aluminium foil or put the cake pan onto a baking tray. Or have a pan made from just one piece of metal ;-)=

5) Put the banana slices onto the bottom of the pan. 

6) Pour the thick sugary mixture all over them.

7) Top it up with the cake batter.

8) Bake for about 1 hour at 180°C - cover it for the first 40 minutes.

9) Let it cool for at least 10 minutes before you attempt to get it out of the pan. 

Jody Offen: A Vampire's Garden of Stones

I wish I were a witch and could curse the day Amazon started with those one-click purchases. I accidentally clicked on this book and spent 1.20 Dollars on this nonsense. This book was an insult to all the readers and no one should pay for it. No one!

Honestly, can just anyone write a book and sell it right to the seller and skip the whole proofreading process these days? I know that the proofreaders don't usually correct grammar but someone should see it before it reaches the reader who pays for it. 

Plot-wise the book wasn't so bad. You have this vampire who has waited centuries to find his destined mate and once she is almost at his grasp she keeps getting into deadly situations where it's mere seconds before she is lost forever. The vampire is manipulative - he can erase memory and command. He also lies a lot. Which makes him very poor boyfriend material and it doesn't go well with happily-ever-after theme because once these lies become clear his eternity will tumble like a house made of cards - now that's something I'd be more interested in reading. 

But unfortunately even if the plot wasn't half bad there's the author's writing skill. Or the lack of it. I wanted to google how old this person is because I don't want to judge without perspective. It'd be good for a first attempt at a book by a fifteen-year-old but a very poor thing for someone who should know better. Needless to say I didn't find the info so I'm guessing this was written by an adult.

At the beginning I kept overlooking the punctuation mistakes (like missing quotation marks) but then serious mistakes like (to instead of too) started popping up. That got me uneasy. A non-native speaker of English should not be able to detect such things, right? I mean, I effin' learn from reading! I don't wanna learn a mistake by accident! It's your mother tongue for Christ's sake! Get a grip you lousy author! Anyway, needles to say I became a hater of this and the last straw was the classic mistake - you're vs. your - which is probably only made by half-witted idiots. Because not even the kids I teach (who speak English for only a couple of years) make it.
But that's not all. The heroine acts very immature and her inner monologues are cringe-worthy (too much GAWD in there) and unfortunately her male counterpart picks up the slang so that later you can't tell the difference between the language of a stupid 20-something-year-old and a centuries old vampire who otherwise "slips" into chivalrous behaviour. Why, oh why?

I. WANT. MY. MONEY. BACK. Really, I'm so outraged that I'm gonna give it just one vampire kiss in the rating - that hardly ever happens. 

GENRE: how to piss off  a reader

FANGS OUT: the story was OK-ish

FANGS RETRACTING: all the mistakes grammar Nazis hate and more

TOTAL SCORE:

Wholegrain Oatmeal Apple Cake

Wow, this one looks so good! That's only because of that artwork I sprinkled it with. Otherwise it's just another healthier alternative to have in the morning with your tea. What a way to start a new day... It's quite dry with wet core so that gives you this balanced feeling. Just try it, you'll see.

You'll need:

• 200g wholegrain rye flour
• 1 cup of oatmeal (well, I use some kind of mixture of 5 types of grain but no one can tell the difference)
• 125g room temperature butter
• 100g dark sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 tbl spoon vanilla extract
• a pinch of salt
• 2 tbl spoons cinnamon
• about 3 tablespoons of milk (depending how the batter will look like)
• 1 packet of baking powder (mine says 12g)
• 3 apples thinly sliced
• icing sugar for decoration

1) You know me, just mix everything together till you have sticky batter. If it's too sticky just add more milk. You need to press it into your cake pan, not pour it. 

2) Butter your baking pan and press 1/2 of the batter on the bottom and to the sides.

3) Cover it with sliced apples.

4) Press the rest of the batter onto the apples so that they are covered - that's the tricky part since the batter is sticky but if you wet your hands I'm sure you'll manage.

5) Bake at 180°C for about 30 minutes. 

6) If you are feeling artsy just make a paper stencil and sprinkle the cake with icing sugar.

J. S. Scott: Ethan's Mate

These free e-books always take me on a roller coaster. One day it's a fine read, another day it's horrible and sometimes it's just plain. 

Unfortunately that's what this book was. It wasn't bad but it wasn't good either. Just luke warm if it makes any sense. It perches somewhere in the middle. In the "meh" land. And that's even worse than being significantly bad if you think of it. It makes you forget it immediately. 

See, it comes as the typical romance of finding your one and only after centuries of not feeling any emotions - yeah, we've been there already in numerous series. Since there is no space to build up the plot it goes too fast and makes it too harsh. 

The only light element in this are the brothers who make fun in all the situations but again, no space to write about that so no fun for the reader. 

It's very similar to the Carpathian series but lacks its depth. Sure, if you are a lazy reader who doesn't need much explaining or descriptions of everything around and just like to divulge in a quick hot romance then this is for you.

I am personally tired of this. Maybe if I haven't been catching up on my reading goals and basically marathoning the e-books during this weekend, I'd find more positives but with so many fresh memories of similar works I can't do it. 

GENRE: romance

FANGS OUT: Skip the plot and go right to the hot scenes if you like (that's why you grabbed this thing in the first place) and you won't question anything.
FANGS RETRACTING: I'm bored.
TOTAL SCORE:

Home-Made Rose and Coconut Body Cream

I've done some experimenting and came up with a really good product for winter. My skin tends to get dry in this cold season so I needed something to help me with it. I had a ton of different oils I usually use for my split ends or into bath so I could make it very rich. But coconut oil with just one other oil will do the trick, too. Apart from glycerin all ingredients are in food quality (virgin oils) which means it's good for you - say bye to the chemicals ;-)= 

And since coconut oil and rose water smell so good, so will you!

You'll need:

• 1 cup melted coconut oil
• 2 table spoons jojoba oil
• 1 table spoon cocoa butter
• 1 table spoon rose oil
• 1 table spoon avocado oil
• 1 table spoon rose water
• 1 table spoon glycerin

1) Melt all the ingredients if they need melting (coconut oil and cocoa butter probably will) and mix them in a bowl with the exception of glycerin - that one goes in in the last step.

2) Put the bowl somewhere cold for half an hour (it's winter so balcony was great place to put it in but you can use fridge). You know it's ready when it becomes solid BUT you can still press your finger through it.

3) Whip it. Use a hand mixer and beat it till light and fluffy. Now you can add the glycerin and whip it some more.

4) Put it in a jar and use it on your dry areas (split ends, chappy lips, dry elbows...). You may use it all over your body unless you have oily skin - in that case your skin won't be able to soak it all in fast and you will be shiny for a long time (you can apply it at night and you should be OK by the morning).

A. C. James: Eternal Ever After

Oh, I wish I haven't downloaded so many e-books! I have to go through so much to bring you a review (a hint for you, my lovely reader: sent me either dark chocolate, a black rose, any cool decadent piece of jewelry,...) 'cause I'm doing this for free and what once looked like fun is now pain. 

Because in the book I've just finished was that nasty feeling of deja vu. Ever read Twilight, a Sookie Stackhouse novel and Fifty Shades of whatever? It's all mixed in here. 

The beginning introduces a gifted waitress who shines like a beacon for the vampire world (yaaas, that's the Sookie part) and there is this vampire guy who approaches her and despite his inability to sparkle in the sunlight he bears certain resemblance of Edward from Twilight since he likes to stalk in the name of protection, show off (jumping on the tall buildings, being fast, buying new cars and being melodramatic by saying how Holly - that's the protagonist- should keep away from him while he is getting closer and closer), manipulate ... and since this is for adults he likes to spank people (hello, Mr Grey). But fret not, he's got a core of a marshmallow.

It was a quite disturbing read regarding the fact it was a mix of three books (maybe more, I haven't read everything under the sun) because you just can't help it and snicker at the scenes you've once read in a different book and you just know how the characters will act. But then again it may be a good thing - as I once said, people who grew up on Twilight surely bought all those Fifty Shades books which means there is quite large audience likely to enjoy this book. 

GENRE: (un)popular fiction revisited

FANGS OUT: not that badly written for a piece which was free
FANGS RETRACTING: we've all read it before
TOTAL SCORE:

Strawberry Cheesecake with Cocoa Butter Fail

"Oh mother, tell your children not to do what I have done..." :-D=
I got some cocoa butter for Christmas and tried to make something from it. The internet search mainly suggests home-made chocolate recipes but I needed a cake for my family to sate their appetite so I tried to be creative and heathier at the same time and failed terribly. 

The chocolate crust was so effing hard I couldn't slice it and it resulted in really nasty-looking slices of cake with demented mosaic pieces of chocolate at the top. To say nothing of the fact that it was initially so runny that it ran down along the sides of the cake pan and penetrated the crumb layer at the bottom so that later when it was chilled I couldn't slice through it either. Not that it mattered because the butter didn't hold the crumbs together and it was falling apart anyway. It tasted delicious but the form, oh the form...

Don't do it like this:

bottom layer

• 80g of biscuits
• 2 table spoons coconut oil
• 2 table spoons cocoa butter

cheese filling

• 250g cream cheese
• 6 big strawberries (I had some left from the summer in the freezer so I let them thaw out first)
• 3 table spoons sugar

chocolate top

• 1/2 cup coconut oil
• 1/2 cup cocoa butter
• 1/2 cup cocoa powder
• 1 table spoon sugar

1) Crush the biscuits and wet them with the melted coconut oil and cocoa butter. Press to the bottom of a pan and bake for about 10 minutes at 180°C.

2) Whip the cream cheese with mashed strawberries and sugar and spread over the cooled biscuit layer.

3) Melt everything for the chocolate part and pour over the cake. Let cool down in the fridge. Decorate with more thawed strawberries. Be disappointed when slicing it. ;-)=