Vampire ... PENIS?!

I do a lot of shopping online. Yes, I am kinda anti-social but the main reason is that there's nothing for the likes of me in my homeland. And if I really need something cool - be it books or clothes - I have to shop on the Internet. 

So I came across this inexpensive lipstick with the title Vampire's Kiss. I had to have one, duh! The packaging caught my eye and I just had to have one. So, there were many shades to choose from but, obviously, I chose the darkest one in purplish/wine color and hoped it would arrive- it gets so annoying when the package just gets lost and never arrives. Since the packages from Asia take so many weeks to arrive I even got that far that I order stuff for everyone's Birthday or Christmas a year in advance to make sure it arrives.

Back to the lipstick! As you can see, the outside is very pretty. But it's the inside which will surely shock you. Or maybe not. Maybe they sell these everywhere where you are from. For me this is definitely the first oddly shaped lipstick.
As I opened the package I couldn't help but notice the smell. Roses. Really the fragrance in the lipstick is quite overpowering - even for me, I'm that kind of person who never smells anything which will one day definitely lead to my death as I won't smell the smoke from the fire which will have started by my scented candle. Yeah, scented candles are a waste for me but I like them anyway. I can smell them when I open the jar but later I smell nothing. I'm buying space with my gibberish so that you are a little bit suspended. I mean you've already stopped reading the article and scrolled down to see the picture but what the heck, why not share some stupid life stories?!

Are you ready? Because here it is in it's veiny glory!

And now that you've had an eyeful, let's move to the professional part. I SMEARED MY LIPS WITH THE PENIS FOR YOU! I couldn't just let it sit in the case, no no. I had to test it out. Now that I saw that it was just a clever way to sell a fun product I expected nothing from the lipstick. And it really is shitty stuff. It smells good, yeah, but it's not very packed with color - you need to swipe your lips with it many times which is somehow weird. 

And one kiss, one bite, just one anything will get it from your lips so it can endure nothing. It's hydrating but that's all. It doesn't last which is my main priority.

QUESTION OF THE DAY
Do vampires kiss with penises? Because if someone names a lipstick Vampire's Kiss then surely it implies kissing with penises. Or not? And do we really needed to know this detail? How do female vampires kiss when they lack this part of human anatomy? Or do they grow one during the transformation? And do I want to know?
Gosh I should stop writing articles for my blog in the middle of the night after I've had some drinks. I'll try to come up with something sensible next time, I swear. Not. You know I'm having fun right now so I won't stop going for bizzare vampire stuff. Deal with it. You're here for that reason anyway.