Sarah Dobie Bauer: Bite Somebody

OK, I have to start how I got to this e-book first. You won't believe it. The Author! contacted me via Instagram if I'd like to read her book and then write a review. *happy screaming in my head* After a breather and my happy dance (because hey, somebody noticed I'm a weirdo with a specialization and therefore my work is not futile anymore- I mean, yes I have you, the Reader, but now even The Author - let's keep it singular and not be overly excited, this might be the only time someone ever gave me a book to review - wants an opinion) I calmed down enough to agree with this. Because I can write about what I think about a book. Yippee! *does a cartwheel, knocks some books off the shelves and almost kills a cat*  OK, I'm done blabbering and let's get down to business.

This book is described as RETRO. Like VHS cassettes retro. Having been born to a post-communistic country I must admit it brought my childhood back because what may be so retro to some people, doesn't have to be so far in the past for the rest - everything came a decade or two later to central Europe ;-)= But yeah, crazy purple-haired stealing vampires walking around with cassette players, heroines owning a rather disturbingly large collection of VHS tapes and the smoke of pot actually brings the reader to the past. 

The setting near the beach and a surfer boy who won't go into the water plays a nice contrast with the nocturnal life out of the sun vampires tend to lead. And the drinks. Never forget the booze. And an occasional joint. That seems so out of place, too. Drunk vampires. Vampires on drugs.

So, who is the protagonist? Almost any girl you know. Maybe YOU. The self-conscious about her body type. The one who thinks she's too chubby and who is horrified at the prospect of someone seeing her belly. The one who wears yoga pants all the time and the only dress she owns is a muumuu (I actually had to google this word and I'm horrified). The one who is so awkward she drools at people. Literally. I think we all have gone through an awkward phase (at least around our first big crush) - some people just never go out of this phase - that's Celia. And that's why she nods in agreement when asked to become a vampire. She thinks she'll become this beautiful glamorous vampire vixen (her fantasy is on one of her cassettes - Pretty Woman - she wants to have the transformation from a rejected nobody into a beautiful lady who stops everyone in their tracks). Guess what, her dietary plan is the only thing which changes. She is rejected by her maker and the only insight on her new nature is acquired from books (such as Twilight) which makes everything confusing as you may know. So she keeps working night shifts at a gas station and tries to avoid her hot surfer neighbour who smells so delicious.
The hot dude isn't as shallow as one might expect and won't make avoiding him easy. I also like that he is not afraid to be the physically weaker in a relationship. He's absolutely OK with it. But on the other hand, what isn't he cool with? :-)= He's a walking cheerful sunshine with a barf bag around his neck... just read it, you'll see. 

The book is funny and when you're done laughing and expect nothing, the sound of silence is occasionally broken by farts from the therapist's couch. It is a romance but so much more. There are terrifying (or grotesque) moments as well - we're talking vampires here, don't expect no blood to be spilled. 

GENRE: hilarious romance

FANGS OUT: I want Imogene to be my BFF, too!
FANGS RETRACTING: I think Rice's vampires' sexuality was misunderstood
TOTAL SCORE: