If you look at it from the distance, you will feel like this is one of those "barely any plot" movies and you will start feeling like you shouldn't like it. But step a little closer and you will find the plot. So, the people who need plots to function and appreciate stuff should be satisfied because it is about contemplating suicide in the world that is not worth living in. And there is this thousand-year-old love. And a psycho killer. And heck, you even get to meet Christopher Marlowe, so what are you bitchin' about now?
The not so shallow viewers may or may not find the plot essential so they will start digging deeper. Like, say, the actors' performances. Both leading roles have been chosen perfectly. Be it timeless Tilda Swinton or chameleonic Tom Hiddleston. They really portray the vampire couple so well that next time you see them on the street you will be shouting: "Let me help you with your weariness! I wanna be your friend!" or something like that... Not that it's very likely to meet movie stars on the street... but one never knows...
Anyway, the movie gives you the mood. Maybe you will be as weary of life as the protagonist, or maybe you will feel like you haven't seen or haven't learned enough yet and it will make you go somewhere to fix that. But I can assure you you will remember this for a long time. Because the mood and the music will haunt you for a while.
DIRECTOR: Jim Jarmusch
GENRE: drama
FANGS OUT: it brings out the feelings you've been suppressing for so long
FANGS RETRACTING: I have Nothing
TOTAL SCORE: 
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