Christine Warren: One Bite with a Stranger

Here we go, yet another romance. Don't you just love it when I am stressed and these "light" books are the only stuff my brain accepts? I know I do ;-)=

This one is a mix of humor, hot scenes and a little bit of action. Just like I've already mentioned, I like when there is humor in it so that I don't have to take it too seriously.

What I, however, particularly oppose are the two main characters. She repeatedly claims she likes him to be the boss only in bed and the rest of her life is hers to decide, he claims he is giving her free will and would never do anything she wouldn't want... But it's all lies because he does whatever he wants and even though she plays angry for a second, everything is forgiven and he can continue with making decisions without her. Plus I still haven't figured out how come so many couples in vampire romance novels (maybe in all romance novels, I'm not sure because I don't read the regular ones) start planning their future (wedding, children etc.) only after a couple of days together. To say nothing of that foolish decision to alter one's life forever after having spent together only a short period of time. 

One would say that having an old vampire in there, who should be wise after so many years of observing and doing things in his/her own pace, should make those characters less foolish. Perhaps, it's a protocol. You can't write a vampire romance without two fools who are in the clutches of their own hormones. You can't let them get to know each other. Just put them together while they are too busy to pay attention to each other's character qualities. Sure, that is a healthy start of forever...

All in all, I enjoyed reading this despite the weird relationship of the characters and look forward to reading more of The Others series (I checked it out and it doesn't only include vampires so the fans of shifters will get their fill as well).

GENRE: paranormal romance with yet another guy who takes over your life

FANGS OUT: funny and hot

FANGS RETRACTING: I just in general don't understand women who have their whole life dictated by a guy, so the couple in this book seems all wrong to me...

TOTAL SCORE:

Maggie Shayne: Embrace the Twilight

Once in a while, I enjoy reading vampire romance books. They are a good means of "brainrelaxing", because when you are tired of always trying to guess where a difficult book is going and you just don't want to analyze the characters and situations anymore, there is nothing better than reading a predictable book such as a romance. You know there will be two people falling in love, they will face obstacles, but in the end they will wind up together. Of course, it should be nicely written and be witty or funny or unexpected in some places.

So how does Maggie Shayne compares to my list of expectations (I'm going to summarize all the books I've read so far - which means all the books in the series before and including the one in the title)? Since this isn't the only romance series I read, I must admit it isn't the best one I have ever read, however, it isn't the worst one either. She created quite an interesting world - vampires are stronger, but have some serious vulnerabilities as well. The villains are psycho scientists, which is nice. Some of the characters are bossy in a way they appear ridiculous, some of them are overprotective, some of them can't keep up with the times and are afraid of technology which makes them funny... you really get quite a wide range of characters. However, these books don't combine action and romance well. There are numerous sex scenes (which I have absolutely no objections to ;-)= ) but the action is usually crammed into the last chapters of the book which makes it look weird (you go from slow... slow... steamy sex... slow... omg he is a vampire... slow... slow.... to oh here's the bad guys... something fast is happening... goodbye reader we're good). It somehow doesn't work. The tension is not built enough when the climax comes.

GENRE: paranormal romance which needs some brushing up when it comes to action
FANGS OUT: I like the vampries being vulnerable and afraid

FANGS RETRACTING: needs more tension-building

TOTAL SCORE:

Peter Eldin: The Vampire Joke Book

I honestly don't know why I keep buying this stuff. This has been a fourth accidental buy. The online store I usually buy books from included neither picture nor description of the book so it was up to my imagination. And you know me, I buy pretty much every book with the word vampire on it as long as it's cheap so that I can write a review for you because I somehow deep inside hope that one day I will stumble upon a forgotten masterpiece or something really awesome.

Obviously, my brain thought this book would be hilarious. Except it wasn't. The tiny book is about 93 pages long, includes tons of pictures and a lot of "funny" stuff. However, the jokes in there don't include only vampires. There are werewolves, ghouls, ghosts etc. Just everything you need to entertain a bunch of five-year-olds at a Halloween party.

This collection of jokes didn't even make me lift the corners of my mouth. No reaction. Nothing. Pokerface the whole time.
Wanna hear an example? What do vampire sailors sail in? --> Blood vessels. I won't bother you with all those knock-knock jokes or the other ones which are based on sloppy pronunciation.
I must admit it may be funny for kids or people who are trying to learn English as a second language (there is nothing more rewarding that getting a joke in the language you are trying to master, trust me). But other than that I don't see the point of purchasing this.

GENRE: uhm, not sure where to put a collection of bad jokes 
FANGS OUT: funny if you are a little kid 
FANGS RETRACTING: not really funny 

TOTAL SCORE:

Richard Matheson: I am Legend

This book is one of my all-time favorites because it simply gives you everything. I usually insult books which are short because they don’t develop enough to let you remember them and are centered on just one thing.

Well, here you have the last guy on the planet (that’s our centre from which we can’t derive, can we?) and we follow him as he scavenges for supplies, as he remembers his past in which something happened and resulted in everyone dead or turned into vampire. Now, retrospective is nice and certainly not boring. Then we have the main character actually going to library to gather as much info on viruses and diseases as possible. We also have our depressed character who doesn’t know whether to let go or not. Then we have a hopeful character who encounters a dog and wants him as a friend. After that we get even more hopeful character who can’t believe his eyes as he finds a woman who is actually alive and in the sunlight. Then, we have a guy who will not fight and surrender only to change his mind at the very last moment. Plus some more. 

I don’t wanna tell you about the mind-blowing discovery at the end because I want you to read it and experience it yourselves. There are so many levels, spoken and unspoken. And you know what? The author managed to fill every page with so much content that it doesn’t matter how short the book is. And the ending... oh my gosh. 

This book let me rethink all my values. Really, I had to think a lot about what’s good and what’s bad and how we deal with it (which is a rare moment for a social sciences major... we think about such things in class while reading all those evil philosophers but never while reading fiction). 

I read this book quite a few years ago and I still get the chills, I still remember the moment I was finished. I remember the impact. How it changed my life. This is exactly the type of book which will prevent you from reading anything else after that. You’ll find yourself sitting on a river bank and staring into water as you contemplate the meaning of life. And you won’t get up till you solve it. Or at least find a way how to solve it.

Well played, Matheson, this truly is a masterpiece.

GENRE: hall of fame doesn't say anything, does it? 
FANGS OUT: the end will blow your mind 
FANGS RETRACTING: haven’t found a single flaw 

TOTAL SCORE:

Pete Johnson: The Vampire Blog

Ok, I get that this is supposed to be a book for kids, because it is written from a 13-year-old guy’s point of view. The guy is going through a transition. He is told he is soon to become a half-vampire and he will undergo some changes (growing fangs which will fall out, smelling totally awful for a certain amount of time, etc.) and while his parents are proud of his heritage and even give him a new special name to call him during the dark hours (yup, can’t talk about the vampire things during the day, duh), he doesn’t want to be like that.

I grew up on Darren Shan books so I somehow expect a lot from kid’s books. This one was kinda bad. Even though there is supposed to be action (the hero is attacked by a real vampire and is in grave danger) I didn’t find it sufficient. There is a light side to this book, too. The main character is one of those people who always come with a smart-ass reply. Well, a boy hitting puberty would sure do something like that, however, he is funny all the time and that makes him less believable. I just couldn’t come to terms with such a genial child. I’m a teacher and such kids are exactly the ones I teach, and never have I in my life encountered such a funny one. I mean, I did, but he was older. So points down for unreal characters. The rest, the interaction between the kids, is more believable though.

Honestly, I don’t know how to review this. I bought this by accident – liked the price and the name of the book and since the cheap used books online store didn’t have description of the book there, I just went with buying it. And now I’m supposed to review a kid’s book. 

So maybe it’s like the movies for kids – it is primarily for them, however, the creators always include something for the parents who accompany them when watching it. And here, I found nothing. If an adult reads it, it’s gonna be funny for only a couple of pages then it’s gonna become dull.

GENRE: kids' fun/action attempt
FANGS OUT: sometimes funny 
FANGS RETRACTING: I miss the overlap for older readers 
TOTAL SCORE:  

Justin Cronin: The Passage

Two years ago, I came to a bookstore with absolutely no particular book in mind. I was just bored and wanted to read something - didn't care whether to buy a classic or something else. I browsed and browsed and decided to buy this paperback without knowing what it would be about (*ironic thumbs up* for paperbacks and the abundance of pointless short reviews combined with the absence of a short summary somewhere on the cover). Little did I know that it would actually combine my two favorite genres (vampires and post-apocalyptical world). However, the book lay forgotten on the bottom of my backpack, for I was given tons of books to read for my literature seminars. 

So a year later I found the book and started reading. At work. Yes, working and reading don't mix. I managed about one hundred pages in between handing people keys from their rooms or solving some stupid non-existent problems eldery hotel guests tend to have. 

School came after summer (what a shocker) and I again couldn't read the book. But now, after yet another year, I can say I DID IT! I'm finished and want more! 

To the review then... I didn't believe someone could write nine hundred pages and still not be done (hush, don't wanna hear about the epic Game of Thrones saga). I somehow got accustomed to the tone of the book, the departure from the classic vampire genre (take death-row prisoners, hand them to the US Army for some experimenting - which, of course, has a noble purpose - and get evil vampires who will hunt people and ... bam! A hundred years later you have a colony of survivors who are visited by a mysterious girl who holds the key for the destruction of the virals-that's how the vampires are called-and perhaps holds the only hope for humankind). 

The book, despite its thickness, is fast paced. It grabs you and won't let you go till you are totally spent and hungry for more (I've just learned that this is supposed to be a trilogy, so naturally, I am intrigued to buy the already-existing sequel, even though I hate it when the authors come up with trilogies or a series... I know, I know, money... but how many books which we learn about at school are a part of a trilogy? ... just saying). I've just realised there's more text in the brackets than outside of them. I'm weird with my side notes. Anyway, do I want more? Yes! Will I read the next installment immediately? No. I'll wait till all the books are out and then I'm gonna read them in one go because if they are as good as the first one, the wait would kill me.

GENRE: post-apocalyptic heebie jeebies  
FANGS OUT: the shivers, the secrets everyone has, oh and morality (just love me some ethical problems, oh yeah) 
FANGS RETRACTING: not really a classic vampire stuff - could have been any kind of virus to cause this and it wouldn't make any difference   
TOTAL SCORE: 

Tim Collins: Diary of a Wimpy Vampire

An accidental buy. Don’t think that I walk around buying kid’s books for fun. It somehow landed in my shopping cart and I hit the "send it to me already" button without checking what was in my basket. And then this arrived and I had to read it because otherwise it would be a total waste of money. So, ehm, my first kid’s book since I myself was a child looong time ago.

As the title suggests, it’s written as diary entries and includes a lot of pictures. You are finished with it within two hours so at least you won’t suffer long. Despite the first shock that I was actually going to read a kid’s book, and therefore hated it even before opening it, I grew to quite enjoy it. 

It was funny and I like funny things – the life is as easy as that. The kid in the book loves his school mate, however, he is the only vampire in his family who doesn’t have that famous super glam which attracts all the ladies. Until the kid actually confesses his secret to the girl. Then everything changes and she loves him, because vampires are so hip these days, right?

So, all in all, it was a light read. It wasn’t the funniest thing in the world but it wasn’t the worst either. I don’t plan to read more kid’s books in the future but I am happy that even if I accidentally stumble upon one, I won’t be bored to death.

GENRE: fun stuff for kids or early-teens 
FANGS OUT: funny

FANGS RETRACTING: adults won’t be that entertained

TOTAL SCORE: